Feelings♥

Christmas has past!

I'm happy that he gave me a Christmas present ^^

now is 1:50 AM~

means is already Sunday and also means that tonight

he will go to Langkawi with his friends.

Actually when he told me that tomorrow before he go to school

and meet his friends he will come to my work place and visit me

but somehow this kind of feelings makes me very down and unhappy

If it's last time he said he will come and find me I'm sure will be very happy

but just now when he said on the phone my mood totally change~ 

maybe because I miss him too much.... ><

for me I really don't wish he will go cause when he go I don't think

he will have the time to contact me

and I will never ever know what is he doing and I will miss him very much.

He called me to trust him, yes! I trust.

but I'm scared!

somehow this feelings makes me very emo!

sigh!

But sometimes I really do feel jealous about his friends...

when he together with them he sure will be very happy

but when he together with me he was like.....

hmmm... how to say? 

was like....... this  :/  ?

he said that he together with me is happy but I didn't saw it

and I didn't felt it also.

I remember that day when it was his birthday~

he said his house will be having a BBQ for his birthday celebration

with his friends and than I was just joking and said I wanted to joined also~

he said all boys and if I went there his friends will say 'many many things'

and he don't like it actually...

so I was thinking that is true if he is having me around I will cause him unhappy..

not just that... he also got said that many many aunties keep on complaining 

to his mother and said that he got girlfriend and more so he feels very annoyed...

so somehow this feelings comes and I asked and tell myself...

 If he feel so annoyed about it than why we still want to go out together??

If we didn't go out than those aunties will never saw him together with me and

they will never say anything about it~

Many things I never tell him because I know he will feel very annoying...

sometimes I cry myself to sleep I also didn't tell him...

Is already worth it smiling in front of him...

and letting him know that I was okay but actually I'm not...

Hurting and crying behind is good not to let him know anything about it.

Actually is true also that I didn't tell him if I tell him also nothing will change

just like just now I really feel like telling him not to go but...

if he really didn't go will he be happy about it???

NO!!

he will never be... 

so what to do?? 

all I can do is keep all the feelings inside and hope that we wont quarrel

again and again anymore...

But how long can I keep??

I don't know.....

:(((

Feelings♥

`` Is hard to keep all the sad feelings inside! ``